sell your soul to sign an autograph

There’s a special election being held in Massachusetts today. See, after a nine-term senator died of brain cancer – and let me tell you, nothing restores my faith in representative government than the son of America’s most popular political dynasty drowning a woman after driving while drunk, then going on to serve another seven terms [...]

I watched the children scurry in circles around a two-way mirror

From a high enough perch, all of us are hypocrites. Conservatives praise the power of the free market to fulfill desires, then rant about indecently dressed pop starlets and the drunken crowds downtown. Liberals insist that the government “keep its laws out of my bedroom,” unless, while in your bedroom, you enjoy consuming trans fats [...]

I’m guided by the beauty of our weapons

I decided a little while back to swear off talking politics in this weblog. So far I have yet to regret it. Even as the economy and health care continue to dominate the news, even as nationally televised race incidents transpire two miles from my front door – I’m not tempted. My blood pressure’s lower. [...]

ten years burnin’ down the road

I’ve got a piece on OTI today about Born in the U.S.A., perhaps America’s most misappropriated patriotic song. I also take some potshots at George F. Will in the column, so if that’s fun for you, check it out. (Please note that I don’t sincerely believe “Born in the U.S.A.” is America’s most misappropriated patriotic [...]

rappenin’ is what’s happenin’

I’m abandoning political discussion for a while. Looking back over the tone of my political entries, you could charitably call them “condescending” and justifiably label them “assholish.” If someone talked about the Ravens with half the venom that I devote to the Ruling Party, I’d spit on them. And lots of people like the Ruling [...]

you want stylin’, you know it’s time again

A coworker came by my desk waving a sheet of paper. “We’re doing betting squares for the game this weekend. You want in?” “No thanks,” I said. “Come on. Only five bucks!” “Thanks anyway; I’ve got better things to spend my five bucks on.” “Like what?” “I don’t know … lunch? Movie tickets? Beer?” “You [...]

I ran like a cheetah with thoughts of an assassin

Observed in Target this past Thursday: a scruffy white guy in his late-20s with an oversized sweatshirt, depicting one of Snow White’s dwarves giving a fist jab to the Grim Reaper, under the motto “COUSINS.” I stared unabashedly at the guy until I recognized the dwarf as Sleepy, and then I was like, oh, yeah. [...]

and they showed me a world where I could be so dependable

Here’s why I don’t do well at political talk. I read a pretty interesting article on how America can fix its health care system (c/o hugh_mannity). It brings up a lot of interesting points – Americans spend more per year than any other industrialized country on health care, but American life expectancy and infant mortality [...]

president gas is up for president

Time to talk politics. First, hitting up the Opposition Party, Radley Balko has a few questions for Barack Obama: In your autobiography, you admit to using marijuana and cocaine in high school and college. Yet you largely support the federal drug war — a change from several years ago when you said you’d be open [...]

what’s mine is mine; what’s yours is mine

I have very little to add to Will Wilkinson’s excellent post from Tuesday on how Barack Obama might fix Social Security: Anyway, I have a dream that President Barack Obama will decide to privatize Social Security, because it’s the sensible and moral thing to do. Democrats will be extremely confused for a couple months, but [...]