nothing else would fit right or seem so directly applied

Important Question: How do guys in suspenders go to the bathroom?

Needless Backstory: I lost the only belt I own in the confusion of tech run for the upcoming production of Sister Mary Ignatius Explains It All For You and The Actor’s Nightmare at the Arsenal Center for the Arts in Watertown. I typically only own one belt, which I wear until it disintegrates. At that point I buy another one. The current item – wide, black, leather – I bought at a Marshall’s in the fall of 2001 if memory serves.

I own a pair of suspenders from that one time I dressed up as Malcolm Reynolds for Halloween*. Fishing them out of my closet yesterday morning, I figured them out in about thirty seconds and hoisted up my pants**. I wore them over a dark blue shirt so they don’t stand out too vividly. Just a neat little accent.

So I spent a great deal of yesterday discovering suspenders, and I think I like them. Sure, you have to spend a great deal of time adjusting them between sitting and standing, lest they hang too loose (while sitting) or jack your pants up to Milhouse-level heights (while standing). But the vertical line of the suspenders draws attention to my shoulders, which I’ve always considered one of my stronger features. I look like a serious man engaged in serious business, as opposed to a blogger doing community theater who just lost the one belt he owns.

But is there an easier way to step up to a urinal other than unhooking both suspenders and just letting them hang over your shoulders? It worked fine this time, but I wonder about future attempts.

* I never said I hate Joss Whedon. I said I don’t love him, a distinction which many online geeks miss.

** Holding on to a pair of suspenders for nearly three years justifies every packrat instinct my friends tell me to abandon.


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