and if the law don’t get her then I will

To get a car registered in Massachusetts, you will need to do the following:

  • Acquire auto insurance. This isn’t hard; you can do this online. But I should caution that it’s not quite as easy as buying a book on Amazon. Every insurance company wants to give you a quote if you enter a few vague details. This draws you in, making you a lead. Once you start the application process, giving your driving history and VIN, shit gets real. “Oh, you’re that Professor Coldheart? Yeah; double the quote we just gave you.” Seriously.
  • E-mail the insurance company to get proof of insurance.
  • Presuming you got collision insurance – you’re not dumb, are you? – go get a photo inspection of your car. This isn’t very hard, but it takes some time out of a busy day. You will receive a form that you need to fax to your insurer, which, given the number of people who still use fax machines every day, won’t be a problem at all.
  • Go to the RMV and collect a number.
  • Spend some time browsing in Best Buy and Target next door, waiting for your number to get called.
  • Approach the RMV lady with your title and proof of insurance. What’s this? My insurance doesn’t take effect until tomorrow? Well, then I guess there’s nothing I can do with the rest of my day, is there? Certainly not the nine other errands that hinged on my having proof of registration of the car that I drove here.
  • Stomp into the rain.
  • Sigh, accept the hand that you’ve dealt yourself, and go buy groceries.
  • Take a nap.
  • The next day, go to the RMV first thing. Collect a number.
  • Spend some time browsing in Best Buy and Target.
  • Approach the RMV lady with your title and proof of insurance.
  • Fill out a form to waive any sales tax that you might owe on this car that you bought out of state.
  • Fill out the same details on a second form that you already filled in on a first. Whatever.
  • Get your plates! And your registration!
  • Affix these plates to your car.
  • Get your car inspected for the Massachusetts safety and emissions test.
  • What’s that? My car will fail the test if I don’t replace this one $12 light bulb, out of the eight light bulbs in the rear window? Well, go to town, buddy!
  • Get a parking permit for your apartment complex.
  • Get a parking permit for the town you live in.
  • Go home; park your car.

Dear Mr. President,

Remember when you compared mandatory purchase of health insurance to auto insurance? That’s not helping.

Professor Coldheart.

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